Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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