You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
