My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
