where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
