they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
