dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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