Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
