so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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