I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
