i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
