I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
