I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
