Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
