i just wanna soil my oats bro
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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