Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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