Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
