I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
