If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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