My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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