I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
