Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
