My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
