my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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