Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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