so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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