The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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