Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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