wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
