I love black thongs
I didn't shave. On purpose
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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