this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
