Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
