Screwed.edu
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I touched a dick in church today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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