Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
