wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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