i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Boobs are out for the taking
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
