69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
