i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
