Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
