Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I am morally bankrupt
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
