i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
