My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
