Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
