How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
