i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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