Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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