Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
