just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bring me that man meat
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
