i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk is a universal language darling
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