The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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