I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
