As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
