there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
