Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
