would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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