Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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