my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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